So in Federal Hill when May 13 occurred in 1969, I only remember eating sardines from can for days. I saw army trucks passing by my house at one time later on my family would tell me there was a curfew going on. We were not allowed to go far from the house. Luckily since my father has to go away before the tragedy struck he had stock the house with food if not we won't know what to eat. I was staying at no 4 Jalan Kelantan Federal Hill. There was a jack fruit in the gardens which always bear a lot of fruits. My father made a chicken shed, in the beginning it was an aviary where he kept lots of love birds which my elder brother Pat would release to the wild, which would rattle him. He then kept Chicken, and at one time it was raided by a python and even a civet cat. Sometime we would take a drive to my Grandfather's house in PJ or sometimes we would go to Serdang to see my late Aunt(My father's sister). My Aunt was a teacher. She is the splitting image of my Grandmother in terms of size. She was huge. She didn't get that way I suppose, she was a single Mom. I only remember her and never her husband, she has 3 girls and two boys. Two of the girls were twins. One of the twin girls and the eldest girl were adopted by my grandfather and his new wife. While the rest live with her. I like her a lot but she is a kind that always think that she got the end of the stick in terms of life. She lamented the fact that her ex husband was a 'hitter' although truth be told she was advice from marrying him but like all person who have been in love, that thought don't cross her mind. To her, he is the world where she revolve her life for. Che' gu (teacher) Zaharah was a romantic, her husband Encik Hashim was a punk who have already been married before. If you remember Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday than you remember the Vespa. That film epitomise how cool it was to ride a scooter and Encik Hashim was a cool dude with the scooter like James Dean with his black leader jacket so too were Encik Hashim but he is no Peck and Che gu Zaharah was no Hepburn so instead of roses she got her heart burn. In the end she balloon herself up like me, and she was hefty, very, so it was not a surprise that Mat Sentul one of the comedic film director offer her a part in the film. She have to turn it down, her job in the government as a teacher don't allow her that liberty. She was always afraid of the hospital. She hates it,it would be suicidal for her. In 1982 she pass away suddenly, she was at the time suffering from hernia but due to her fears to go to the hospital it turn grangrenous. My parents were away in Mecca performing the Haj, the fact was we just learn about my brother's cancer and in fact it was he and me who found my Aunt listless body at her home. He wanted to go there for a visit so we we went. It was he who persuade our Aunt to go to the hospital but it was too late. She die soon after. Her life was tragic left by her husband became a single mother raising 3 kids on her own ( the other 2 was adopted by her father),she cuts a forlorn figure. Out of her two boys one would be found drown in a mining pool under mysterious circurmstances (the Eldest) Hashimi being the eldest always try to be an adult before his time. He mixes with bad company and was in and out of drug rehab and jail numerous time. We didn't know that he has drown as no identification was found on him but a faded identity card bearing my grandfather's address. As he was dark they mistook him for an Indian, later on when he was about to cremated they found out he was circurmisize so he was buried as a muslim in an unmark grave in petaling jaya. His other son was a softie who try to find somewhere to belong. He entered Arqam a muslim sect organisation to find himself, even there he found himself being molest as he puts it. He later became a transvertite and an addict and now living somewhere in the city as a Vagrant. His own sister does not accept him and its kind of cruel, but that is life. When you were young all these were people you share your life with but as we got old we drift apart, poles apart, what went wrong? I have no awnser and that is why I cherish childhood, the innocence of being a child and losing oneself in values lost and never will find again, is one I dread being an adult. As for me life has to go on until it reaches the end of the journey,to where ever it takes. May 13 pass and when, we pick up the pieces which will never be the same again. The relationship between races once were open and sincere now will be more guarded than before. The Malays have stamp her superiority in governing Malaysia and it will never be the same again. I yearn for the malay gentlemen of old, one who is a Malay by birth,by right and one who is noble at heart who tamper life with just and treat humans as equal but who knew the responsibilty he has as a Malay a Muslim living in Malaya. That Malay is lost foreverm it now remains a dream, a distant memories of things that might have been and of unrealize potentials. Long last I completed this blog started a month back and now on 19th May will be posted!