This article is hilarious. i hope the Malay Muslims can read it and laugh at themselves like i did. Came out in the Star today

One Man's Meat
By PHILIP GOLINGAI

Taking Sex to PHD-Level

The Obedient Wives Club wanted to keep it under the covers but since it leaked out, interest for its sex-guide book has yet to reach a climax.

FRIDAY’S press conference by the Obedient Wives Club (OWC) reminded me of Salt-n-Pepa’s 1991 hit song Let’s Talk About Sex.

The hip-hop song goes: “Let’s talk about sex. Yo, I don’t think we should talk about this. C’mon, why not? People might misunderstand what we’re tryin’ to say, you know? No, but that’s a part of life.”

That about sums up the exasperation of the club embroiled in a controversy after it published a pocket-sized 115-page Malay-language book titled Seks Islam, Perangi Yahudi Untuk Kembalikan Seks Islam Kepada Dunia (Islamic Sex, Fighting Jews to Return Islamic Sex to the World).

Embroiled in controversy: The sex guide which was published by OWC.

To clarify media reports that the book encouraged a man to have an orgy with all of his wives, five OWC officials (including two men) met the press.

At the start of the 90-minute press conference in Petaling Jaya, OWC national chairman in Malaysia Fauziah Ariffin read a statement from Hatijah Aam, the club founder.

Hatijah, one of the wives of the late Al-Arqam founder Ashaari Muhammad, said the sex guide was only for OWC members who were married.

“We are disappointed with those who distributed the book without our knowledge until it created a misunderstanding,” she said.

Fauziah then tackled the controversial issue of “seks serentak (simultaneous sex)”.

“Simultaneous does not mean that on the bed there is one man and four women,” she said with a sarcastic laugh.

“When a man has reached a high level of spirituality, his wali (spiritual guardian) can come in contact with his wives wherever they are.

“Maybe one wife is in Ipoh, another in Kuala Lumpur, in Singapore or in Johor but he can ‘come’ to his wife simultaneously. That is the wonder of spiritual sex.”

Wow! I thought. Note to myself: evolve from missionary position. But was “spiritual sex” possible, I wondered.

As if reading my thoughts, Dr Azlina Jamaluddin, a dentist and OWC leader, said it was not something a common person could comprehend.

“To you there might be no logic to what we are saying,” Dr Azlina explained. “But when Prophet Noah built an ark on a mountain at that time there was no logic in what he was doing.”

Mohd Rasidi, a male member of the panel, claimed what was taught in the book was “high level” sex. “It is PhD-level,” he said.

“To understand the book,” said Fauziah, “the author of the book herself wants to talk to the media via Skype from Mecca.”

And Hatijah’s voice filled the conference room.

In an exasperated tone, the 57-year-old Malaysian woman based in Saudi Arabia said the club purposely did not sell the book to non-members because the public would not be able to comprehend it.

In other words, you and I are practising “kindergarten-level sex” as compared with “PhD-level sex”.

And, quoting the Quran, Hatijah went deep into the theory of “spiritual sex”.

Here are some of Hatijah’s insights on sex.

> If your spirit is pure you can have sex with your wife even though you are abroad fighting a war.

> God allows sex sports. And to be good in sex you need practice.

> Orgasm releases a pain killer and helps with fever. But don’t have affairs on the pretext of curing your fever.

> Orgasm prevents wrinkles.

> Sex can make you younger. Jogging can be replaced by “sexcercise”.

> Only animals have sex without mukadimah (foreplay).

> It is important for a woman’s breasts to be sucked in order to prevent breast cancer (quoting a BBC news report).

During the Q&A session, I asked: “I’m curious, has the panel experienced simultaneous sex? Have you reached the PhD-level of sex?”

And – I’m not sure whether I imagined this – the panel members lowered their heads as if they felt sexually inadequate.

After a hush-hush discussion among themselves, Mohd Rasidi said: “So far, it is a knowledge that we are still trying to understand.

“We have not experienced it as our roh (spirit) has not reached PhD-level,” he explained.

“How about Hatijah?” I asked.

And Azlina, the dentist, said: “We have not experienced it yet. We are still trying. The person who has experienced it is Hatijah Aam. Hopefully one day, God willing, we can reach that level.”

Hatijah also revealed that she was writing a second sex guide book.

“The first book revealed 20% (sex knowledge). But the second book will reveal 100%. But we will make sure the public will not get their hands on this book about heaven on earth,” she added.