Monday, March 12, 2007

Well, phew, school holiday is here as usual people get married during this time. My Aunt got married(my Mom(step) sister), she's 42. Her husband is 66 my Mom's former boyfriend, a widower who wanted to my marry my Mom, as both are widower, she instead match it with her sister, who now no more a spinster!So I went to the reception, lot's of food and people fill with my relatives whom I haven't met for ages. Beside death and the usual Hari Raya, which has been getting more subdued now days since the death of my father, marriage is where you meet them. And now days since Malaysia has become more modern the Malays have more or less discarded the family. So you don't spend time with family members as before. I remember when i was young our house would be fill with people during holidays. Families from all over would come down and stay with us, it was like a party of children all the time, I suppose that is why I dont care if people come and stay with me. I've played host to many foreigners and locals alike whom I consider friend. I know some of them would abuse the privilege but it is ok because to me I am gregarious for people although privately I love my space but I manage to create one with the little space I have. Living with 8 brothers and sisters and numerous servants and cousins at one time of another made you to adjust priorities. I know its kind of baffling to many foreigners even to Malays now but space is what you create. You will never have enough space and like people you never can get enough of them intruding so you let be as it is. I was born on 3rd October 1962 11.40 am. It suppose to be 11.10 but before the war we have made the clock faster by half an hour and in the 80's it was again faster by 30 minutes so according to the present time it would be 12.10 pm. I was born in Seremban N Sembilan at the General Hospital. My young life was fuzzy, I can't remember a thing. So everything was fuzzy. I only saw picture of me and my mom on the steps of Parliament. I was dress up as a girl, long hair and very chubby and I wore necklace with an anchor pendent. I was wearing it until I was six. My stepmom took it away with my consent saying boys should not wear it. Some view by the mullahs regarding necklace as abhorrent to Muslims lead to this state of affair. Am I against this view, depends, if one knew our lot in life than it is ok to wear one but society here would not accept my view,to me there are many other issues that need to be address like poverty. Crime depends to because they will be some idiots who would consider wearing a pendent as a crime so I digress. We live in an idiotic world where stupidity takes precedence. I have always been sickly since young as far as I remember. It has never put me down, when kids abhhor medicine I would take mine religiously. I have never stop taking asthma pills starting with tedral(now ban because it contain ephedrine) and now Nuelin plus my inhalers which now consists of Sabultamol Serevant and Pulmicort(a steroid base inhaler). Prior to that (I stop taking it anymore) for the past 10 years I was on Prednisolone(oral steriod). I realise my hand now trembles, and my bones are weaker, loss of bone density is one the by products beside other complication. I have no problem with it life need to be enjoy to the fullest and it have never put me down except my genitals are now shrunk and I hope not permanently but what to do.Sa la vie life has to go on. I still dream of the late Anna Nicole Smith so my imagination is still damn active. I have and always try to be independent as best as I can. Being the youngest in the family you constantly being overlook. I had a good life then, the world was my oyster, especially after my mom's death, what I want I get. Although I was a pain in the arse but even then when I was young I always share my toys with others. I was never selfish but although a tyrant. maybe because my eyesight was bad everything was fuzzy during my grown up ears. My uncomplaining attitude never make my father realize I cant see until I went to school. It was during the first term school holidays and my brother went to make his specs in Taiping. He complain he cant see so since he got a specs I also wanted to wear a spec not so much because I can't see because I wanted to be like him. So when my father send me to the optometrist, lo and behold, I was quite blind. And walla the world was clear as a dumbbell! maybe that tell you a lot about my character, I am a pacifist by nature, I accept my lot in life with no complain and made do with what I have. This character would haunt me but also would serve me in good stead. My father was floored, he hasn't realise I can't see because I never complain maybe I thought that's how the world was and how one should live. That was how with my asthma, the truth was my dad was busy and I grew up with the servant. I never knew unconditional love except my Dad, the rest would always come with condition. I took the management of my asthma myself, I treat myself. If I could find a quick fix to my breathing problem it would suffice. Thus I took drugs religiously and if I want not to go to school I feign asthma attack which is quite easy when you are suffering from chronic asthma. So I miss out school, a lot of school. I was happy, I indulge in daydreaming, you might call as that but really it is more than that,it is creating your own friends. Yes, I have my imaginary friends, I talk to trees as thought they were alive. I was laugh at by my brothers but most I talk to myself even up to now that habit I have not outgrown. Sometimes people would gave a weired glance but I can't help it. Studies now shown that people who talk to themselves are highly intelligent, hope so. At least I don't play with myself, than it would be a riot, anyway since people play with themselves sometimes, why is that a healthy pursuit but not talking? Humans are funny creatures, aren't they? I have to stop now my asthma is acting up again, need to lie down. I will continue my school years soon! It had to be in two parts, of course!


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